Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and even though I am truly not one to be swept up in the frenzy of a Hallmark enhanced holiday, there is simply no denying that all of us experience at least some pang of anticipation around this day.
- Will someone bring me flowers or chocolates?
- Better yet, will I have the story to tell about receiving the most creative lover’s gift?
- What will I be doing when ‘everyone else‘ is experiencing the most romantic night of the year?
With these as our mental expectations, it is no wonder why there is a statistically significant spike in calls to divorce attorneys on February 15th!
But do you notice a pattern in all the stories the mind tells about this holiday? Look carefully….
In each of these cases, we are waiting on the receiving end to be validated by someone else that we are loved in order to FEEL love.
We are basically telling ourselves that the only real measure of how lovable we are is what someone else does for us on that day. And if we are considering, in the midst of or post divorce, what do we do with that? And even if we are married, if we live in the ‘real’ word, how likely is this day ever to meet our expectations? Are we just setting our partners up for failure and ourselves up for disappointment?
Well, when you put it that way, Adina…
Two days ago I hosted my monthly support call on Preparing for Divorce with guest Anna Balfour who is a licensed psychologist in Wayne, PA. (It was an amazing call and if you want a copy of the recording, just e-mail me with “call recording” in the subject line.)
In any case, one of the things we talked about on the call is how to GURANTEE love on Valentine’s Day, and here are our top two suggestions:
Love Yourself! Yes…The most important source of love in your life is actually your love for yourself. If we cultivate it, it is always there for us. Do something wonderful for yourself, plan a special time during the day just for you, and …really do this… make yourself a card where you remind yourself of 25 things you love about you. Twenty five is a big number and I GUARANTEE that you will feel something extraordinary inside when you take the time to list 25 things you love about yourself. I beg you to try it.
Give as much love as you can. Yes, GIVE love to others. There is no better way to experience an abudance of love than to pour out love for others. This can be volunteering somewhere and helping others you do not know feel cared for. This can be choosing 1-3 people in your life that you adore and planning to do something special for them. This can be spending your day engaging in random acts of kindness anywhere you go. Seriously, you will never experience as much joy and love on the receiving end as you will experience by being on the giving end, GUARANTEED!
So this Valentine’s Day, no matter who you are or what your relationship status is, be a source of love.
Love Yourself Dearly
Love Others Generously
Adina Laver is the author of the Divorce Companion™ and founder of Divorce Essentials™, a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.
If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Ala Carte Session or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!