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having an amicable divorce

The Imperative of Having an Amicable Divorce

having an amicable divorceThis week I am reminded why Divorce Essentials and the Divorce CompanionTM exist – because having an amicable divorce is an imperative.

 

I recently got a call from a client who was shedding desperate tears after a judge was so harsh on her and her attorneys that she left the courtroom feeling completely disempowered and helpless. In debriefing with my client, there was a palpable sense of victimization, as though the process had truly broken down and there was nothing she could do to improve her situation.

 

This sense of disempowerment is exactly the experience that Divorce Essentials and Divorce CompanionTM are designed to alleviate. And this is an imperative…

 

 

At a time when family structures change so frequently, placing critical decisions that affect the health and welfare of parents and children in the hands of an overworked and under-resourced court system leaves everyone more broken than whole.

 

The reason why divorce cases end up in court is because parties cannot resolve issues on their own. Sometimes this is because one partner has been more powerful in the marriage and the other is afraid. Sometimes this is because there is anger and people are looking to the divorce process to punish their partner or provide restitution for pain and suffering. Sometimes couples use the court system because they think it is the best way to get a fair ruling.

 

The truth is that marriage and family is the most intimate aspect of anyone’s life and there is no way that a legal system can possibly bring satisfactory resolution to issues in this area. Let’s face it, having 10, 20 or 30 years of marriage and all that has meant placed on one side of the scale against the bank account, furniture, and 401k can be one of the most painful and demoralizing experiences one can have. How do you place value on having cared for someone when they were sick or the efforts and sacrifices made to support a family? No, there is a no way a legal system can offer the penetrating resolution that most couples are looking for.

 

What we do know, however, is that when a case ends up in a courtroom, partners give up control over their destiny and they end up spending a lot more money to become unmarried.

 

And this is why I created Divorce Essentials and the Divorce CompanionTM. There has to be a better way. As Albert Einstein said, “You cannot resolve a problem with the same mindset that created it.” Taking the anger that has erupted during the breakdown of the marriage and fueling it with the adversarial nature of family court, can only make the problem worse. It can seem enticing to turn the problem over to someone else, but to hope that a court system with few resources and little time will accomplish what a couple could not do on their own – a fair settlement that truly honors the best interests of the children and empowers both partners to move on with their lives – makes no sense at all.

 

What this means is that the burden of achieving a non-adversarial outcome in divorce is – where it rightly belongs – on the couple who chose to marry. While this may seem like an impossible task… How can two people who have been arguing and making each other feel badly achieve this?… It is not.

 

The way to achieve the seemingly impossible is by reaching for the appropriate support. Every couple who has ever achieved the amicable divorce, succeeded in doing so because they (a) made the choice to achieve it and (b) found the resources and support they needed. This is how my husband and I did it and how every couple who has ever achieved this got there.

 

There is nothing easy about it. Divorce is one of the most difficult life transitions that there is, and yet, it is possible to do it well. Like raising a child, it takes a village of personal and professional support. And it takes the right kind of support. It takes the support of people who are deeply committed to helping you find a healthy path to a positive future. Your team may include a coach, an attorney, a mediator, a therapist, a clergy person, your best friend, a realtor, a coworker… But the team members that will get you there are the ones that push you to show up as your best self, not the ones who fuel the flames of anger and fear. And YOU are responsible for determining WHO is on your team.

 

Here are some questions to help you find your way:

 

If you are considering divorce, ask yourself this question, “What do I most need right now to help me get unstuck and take deliberate and intentional steps in a healthy direction?”

 

If you are building your divorce support team (legal, emotional, financial), ask yourself, “What are the qualities of the professionals, friends and family members who will help me achieve what I most want?”

 

If you are navigating divorce, as yourself, “How am I showing up to this divorce process? What do I need to do to be a person I feel proud of in this process?

 

And if you are truly committed to staying out of court and allowing this process to become a reflection of your BEST self rather than you WORST self, we are here to support you.

  • If you are considering or just beginning to pursue divorce, check out the Divorce CompanionTM – the most comprehensive resource available to support a healthy divorce process.
  • If you are anywhere in the divorce process and are committed to a deliberate and mindful process and would like support in achieving this, let’s chat.

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Adina Laver is the founder of Divorce Essentials™ and author of the Divorce Companion™ a multi-media step-by-step guide to navigating divorce.  The Divorce Companion™ is the only resource of its kind that provides guidance and decision making tools for every aspect of the divorce process, including determining whether divorce is the next step.

Adina also provides limited one-on-one coaching support for those who recognize that divorce is a sign that life has gotten off track and are aching to finding happiness again – or perhaps for the first time ever.

 

 

 

 

 

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hire a divorce lawyer

4 Critical Things to Know Before You Hire a Divorce Lawyer

Choosing who will represent you in your divorce is a big decision. While it makes sense to ask people you know for recommendations or even to engage the ‘free’ services of a friend of family member to help you, here are 4 critical things you should know before you hire a divorce lawyer:

What kind of support is best suited for your case. Not every divorce is handled by an attorney litigator. Many people are unaware that there are divorce mediators, collaborative attorneys as well as litigators. Some mediators are attorneys and others are not. With a number of options available, the first important thing to understand is what kind of representation or support is best suited for your situation.

Who your partner’s attorney is if they have already hired one. One of the most significant wastes hire a divorce lawyerof money in divorce is spending money on attorneys who have a track record of battling it out rather than finding ways to help a couple settle. While it may feel counter-intuitive to hire two separate lawyers who know each other and have a track record of working with one another, this can actually be one of the best things you do for your case. The healthiest thing for any couple and family is a quick and fair settlement so hiring attorneys who can help you achieve this while protecting your personal rights is a smart choice.

Who you really need on your team. One of the biggest misconceptions that people have is that their attorney can help them with every part of their divorce. They bring all their issues – legal, emotional and financial directly to their lawyer. Your lawyer is your legal expert only and there are other professionals such as certified divorce financial planners, divorce coaches and therapists who can help you address other issues more effectively and in a more cost efficient way.

The family court culture in your county. One of the most overlooked factors in hiring an attorney is how well they are recognized and known within the family court system in which they will be operating. While hiring the top rated attorney can feel like great protection, if they are unknown or not well regarded within your local court system, you may be at a disadvantage. 

Deciding how you will divorce and who will represent you is a critical decision that can have significant financial and emotional ramifications. It is important to make this decision thoughtfully before you hire a divorce lawyer.

 

For a complete step-by-step guide to hiring an attorney and navigating your divorce, visit www.divorcecompanion.com.

____________________________________________________________

Adina Laver is the founder of Divorce Essentials™ and author of the Divorce Companion™ a multi-media step-by-step guide to navigating divorce.  The Divorce Companion™ is the only resource of its kind that provides guidance and decision making tools for every aspect of the divorce process, including determining whether divorce is the next step.

Adina also provides limited one-on-one coaching support for those who recognize that divorce is a sign that life has gotten off track and are aching to finding happiness again – or perhaps for the first time ever.

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Respect, Responsibility & Resilience

3 R’s of Parenting: Respect, Responsibility & Resilience

It is fairly universal that parents want their kids to be happy and healthy, respect themselves and others, take responsibility for themselves and follow through on commitments, and demonstrate resilience. We want these things for our kids, and even if life presented NO extenuating challenges, it would be a monumental challenge. Throw in doses of reality such as health issues, divorce, learning differences, job loss, (this list could go on and on), and the task seems downright daunting.Respect, Responsibility & Resilience

 

Raising children we love to embody these qualities without living a life of stress and guilt demands that we pursue a mindful and intentional approach to our most important responsibility of parenting.

 

I recently reviewed a newly released book, Get the Behavior You Want…Without Being the Parent You Hate by Deborah Gilboa, MD. Gilboa’s book is organized around the three R’s: Respect, Responsibility and Resilience – what these things really mean and what they look like in the parent-child relationship (ages birth – 12) – and concludes with a section on how to actually make change happen in your house.

 

Giboa’s book does not focus at all on divorce, AND here is what I like about it for all families, including those who are going through a divorce… Gilboa is clear about one critical idea… What kids need most is for their parents to be the parents. Guilt and shame we feel at different times are never really useful when making parenting decisions, and they are even less helpful during transitions such as divorce when our kids desperately need us to be clear and to create a safe and stable environment.

So, here is a sampling of some of Gilboa’s wisdom. I invite you to think about how it applies to your family dynamic as you read.

 

Respect, Responsibility & Resilience

 

RESPECT

According to Gilboa, respect is the ability to recognize someone’s (your own or another’s) worth and excellence and communicate it. She asserts, how we treat ourselves and others is the most important concept we can teach our children. Why? Here is some of what she has to say:

  1. Self-esteem is built on self-respect. When children learn to take care of themselves – their bodies, personality and needs, then they know they deserve to be treated well.
  2. Self-respect gives children the ability to walk away from disrespect such as negative peer pressure and abusive relationships.
  3. Showing respect is a skill that takes time to learn. While it is easy for kids (and us) to detect when we feel respected, learning to respect someone else requires some explicit guidance.
  4. When kids are taught to demonstrate respect to their parents and the adults around them, they place greater value on those relationships and learn more from them.

 

Most of us have been guilty of lowering our “respect” standard at one point or another, particularly when we feel that our kids are stressed or are going through something difficult. We do things for them rather than expecting them to do them for themselves and we accept more disrespect than we would like. While there are no universal answers, Gilboa challenges us to think about what we are trying to achieve as parent in long-term terms rather than short-term terms. What are we teaching through the choices we are making?

 

RESPONSIBILITY

Responsibility, Gilboa says, is about learning to be reliable, dependable, and to meet your obligations. Children [do] Learn What They Live and teaching them to be responsible is one of the keys not only to their success but also to their happiness. Why? Because the ability to be responsible coupled with initiative to grab opportunities is how we achieve our dreams. In other words, when children learn how to be reliable, dependable and meet their obligations, then they learn to trust themselves in all kinds of situations. They learn how to follow things through from beginning to end, they learn how to show up in uncomfortable situations, and they learn how to gain the trust of others.

 

Children of divorce often have to take on more responsibilities in single-parent homes. As parents, it is easy to feel guilty about this because we are ‘making our kids’ lives more difficult.’ Shifting the perspective a bit, we can look at a change of life or a new situation as an opportunity for kids to take on new responsibilities and develop additional confidence. Perhaps the change is enabling them to discover how much they have to contribute to the home. They may not always enjoy it, but what is the long-term gain of learning to be reliable and dependable at an early age?

 

RESILIENCE

Resilience means learning how to handle life when nothing goes as planned. Every challenge our children face is a chance to learn resilience. If we think about it, “making it perfect” is much more about our trying to prove our worth (personally guilty here!) than it is about what our kids’ needs or what is best for them. How we react when things do not go as planned, is far more valuable a life lesson than how to make things turn out ‘just right.’

 

Divorce, of course, (I couldn’t resist), like many other life challenges, is a suitable time to cultivate resilience. While we acknowledge that as parents

  • we love our kids and want what is best for them,
  • we have a primary responsibility to protect our children from harm, and
  • we (all) burden ourselves with a degree of guilt (for working too many hours, not working enough, being too easy, being too hard, buying too many things, not being able to afford to buy enough ….and so on and so on),

 

when is it really necessary or important for us to step in and protect our children from emotional or physical discomfort and when is it better to step back?

 

Gilboa provides a standard: Is it life-threatening or is there true physical or emotional danger? If the event ends badly, is there something valuable that could be learned? Let’s consider…

 

  • When do we step in to make things easier out of a sense of guilt?
  • When do we step in and solve a problem because we want to spare our child discomfort?
  • When do we jump in to save the day so that our child will be spared the consequences of their own failure to act responsibly?
  • When do we step in and fix things because it makes us feel relevant?

 

What would really happen if we didn’t?

 

This is the journey of parenting. How do we figure it out? Every child is unique and every parent is unique. In Get the Behavior You Want…Without Being the Parent You Hate, Gilboa offers practical advice to provoke our thinking about how to raise children in an intentional and conscious way.

 

Another valuable resource, specifically for parents going through divorce or navigating on the other side of divorce is Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorce Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids by Christina McGhee. Parenting Apart offers effective ways to minimize the effects of divorce on children, and offers immediate solutions to the most critical parenting problems divorce brings.

 

Christina McGhee will be my guest on the upcoming FREE support call I host each month: Preparing for Divorce. Join us on October 15th from 12:10 – 1:00 pm EST as we discuss: What Your Child Really Needs. You can register here.

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Adina Laver is the author of the Divorce Companion™ and founder of Divorce Essentials™, a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

 

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Ala Carte Session or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

 

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Mrs Doubtfire

Divorce Wisdom from Mrs Doubtfire

As the world pays tribute to one of Hollywood’s greatest legends, I took the opportunity to re-watch one of Robbin Williams’ most famous films, Mrs Doubtfire.  In addition to all the comedic brilliance that is built into this film, it also contains great wisdom for both divorce and life.

6 Lessons on Divorce from Mrs Doubtfire   Mrs Doubtfire

In the 1993 classic, Mrs Doubtfire, Robbin Williams plays the role of Daniel, an unemployed voice over artist who is viewed by his successful corporate wife, Miranda (played by Sally Field) as irresponsible and incapable of disciplining the kids or keeping order in the house. After a birthday party for their son gets wildly out of hand, she tells Daniel she wants a divorce. They have grown apart and she doesn’t like who she has become while married to him. (Click here for a full synopsis).

 

Both funny and poignant, Mrs Doubtfilre offers six lessons on divorce for couples, friends and family members:

#1 – Divorce is not the end. One of the things the divorced couple is faced with is the realty that divorce is not the end. Just because they don’t live in the same house anymore, doesn’t mean that all the things that drove each one crazy disappeared. Ultimately it is the words and the pain of their children living between two parents who are angry and intolerant that becomes the impetus to begin to do things differently. Especially if there are children, the relationship does not end after divorce.

#2 – Everything transforms in time. I think one of the most important lessons of divorce (and life) is that everything transforms in time. At the first judge’s meeting, Miranda is so angry that she says nothing when the court temporarily awards her full custody with Saturday visitations only because Daniel does not yet have a job or place to live. She stays silent again 3 months later when the court makes the decision to permanently award her sole custody because Daniel, in his desperation impersonated a woman so he could apply for the job as Miranda’s housekeeper and see his kids everyday.  By the end of the movie, however, the couple’s relationship has so transformed that Miranda herself has the court order removed. Things do not stay the same forever. Time and intention have the capacity to transform any situation.

#3 – What kids need most is love. The children in Mrs Doubtfire, like the children of many divorcing or divorced couples, are stuck between two parents who are so angry and fed up with each other that they cannot help but speak ill of one another. The parents are suspicious and each feels so bullied by the other that they begin to pull at the kids like two teams yanking either side of a tug-o-war rope. Having no idea how to keep everyone happy, the kids’ anxiety levels rise. Divorce is grown up stuff. As with Daniel and Miranda, two people can get to a point where they have grown apart and are no longer making each other happy, but the only thing that the kids care about is feeling loved by both parents. Taking the high road when you feel you have been mistreated or manipulated is one of the greatest challenges a divorcing or divorced parent faces. However, for parents who love their children, there really is no other acceptable alternative.

#4 – People are capable of change. One of the most fascinating aspects of the movie from a divorce standpoint is the way in which Daniel, impersonating a housekeeper named Mrs Doubtfire, uses all his knowledge of who Miranda is and what she likes to adopt the very habits, patterns and ways of being that she always wished Daniel would have demonstrated while they were married. What changed? How come Daniel was suddenly willing to do what he was never willing to do while they were married? Over time, couples can get into the habit of bringing out the worst rather than the best in each other. Sometimes couples have to separate in order to find their best selves and sometimes they need the need a fresh new start with each partner dropping their shield and sword so they can develop new patterns together.

#5 – The courts and attorneys do not always know what is best. The movie was a powerful reminder of what can happen in the legal process when couples get so swept up in their own anger that they lose site and control over what is best for their children.  Miranda knows that Daniel is a loving and devoted father, but because she has felt so slighted and disrespected, she allows a judge to award Daniel limited, court supervised visits only. While the courtroom scene is not realistic in many respects, the truth remains the same that judges and attorneys, who have only a snapshot view of a family at best, are not in the best position to make decisions about what is best for the family or the children. The health and wellbeing of the children is most critically dependent upon parents who can show up to make choices from a place of love rather than anger.

#6 – Things usually get more chaotic before they get better. As if things are not tumultuous enough leading to the decision to get a divorce, the truth is that things often get more chaotic before they get better. In the movie, both Miranda’s and Daniel’s lives become even more chaotic and frustrating immediately after the divorce. The pattern before the divorce was at least familiar, if not healthy. The new routine after Daniel moves out is so disorienting that everyone is initially thrown into a state of chaos and disequilibrium. It isn’t until Daniel’s impersonation is finally revealed and everyone realizes just how chaotic things had become, that they find their way to a state of equilibrium. The chaos is normal. The chaos stems from the sudden reconfiguring that is necessary to move things from a past state to a new state.

 

Divorce challenges people in ways never imagined. It is often a painful and demanding process. However, navigated with intention and care, there is great potential for healing, stability and even miracles on the other side. These are the rewards of being willing to follow the road less traveled.

 

If you know anyone struggling with challenges in their relationship or navigating divorce who can benefit from support in getting from chaos and pain to stability and hope, please refer to them to Divorce Essentials. They do not need to wait until divorce is inevitable to get some help.

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Adina Laver is the author of the Divorce Companion™ and founder of Divorce Essentials™, a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

 

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Ala Carte Session or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

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How to Consciously Uncouple from a Narcissist

Those of us in the divorce and media worlds are still talking about conscious uncoupling. AndConsciously Uncouple a Narcissist this is a good thing because it means that we are continuing to push against traditional, and often destructive, ideas about what divorce means and how it has to unfold. But what if you are trying to consciously uncouple and you are married to a narcissist, an addict, or someone who simply spends most of their time – well – in an unconscious state?

 

What is Conscious Uncoupling? – Revisited

 

Taking a step back for a minute, let’s acknowledge that – as of yet – there is no clear and consistent definition of ‘Conscious Uncoupling.’ In fact, story has it that Katherine Woodward Thomas who coined the phrase was in seclusion out of the country working on her book with the same title, Conscious Uncoupling, when the story broke a few weeks ago which is why she was so noticeably absent from the earliest discussions.

 

So what does this phrase really mean? I offer here my best explanation here based upon what I have read as well as my own experience with what I believe was certainly a conscious uncoupling.

 

According to Thomas, conscious uncoupling is an intentional process of “lovingly completing a relationship that results in feeling more whole, healed and at peace.” She proposes (and I concur) that breakups are an opportunity to transform an emotional and painful life transition into “a catalyst for making a breakthrough in the way you show up in your life… and in your next relationship.”

 

Others have commented on the importance of a more conscious approach to ensure the health and welfare of the children. Being able to place their best interests first requires a great deal of a couple who faces the possibility of being triggered into fear and anger again and again throughout the uncoupling process.

 

As for me, I offer this… Conscious Uncoupling is a commitment. It is a commitment to being awake to the transition that is occurring in your life and to making decisions that are in alignment with core values, long term priorities, health and well-being; and that reflect the essence of who you are and want to be in the world.

 

What if your partner is not a willing partner to Conscious Uncoupling?

 

In the case of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, both partners seem committed the process and this is always ideal. The reality is, however, that many people pursue divorce in situations where their partner is not willing to come to the table to lovingly complete the relationship together. What if you are divorcing an addict, a narcissist, an abuser, or simply someone who does not want to see the relationship come to an end? Can you still ‘Consciously Uncouple?’

 

I propose here that you absolutely can! “Lovingly completing a relationship so you can feel more whole, healed and at peace” is a choice that each person makes for him or herself.  Every person, regardless of the situation, has the opportunity to intentionally:

  • decide how this experience will shape his or her present and future
  • decide how s/he will show up to all facets of the process of uncoupling – even (and especially) the tough parts
  • bring closure to the relationship and to this chapter of life in a way that honors the past and what each person contributed to the relationship
  • pursue healing from deep wounds so as to live in a place of greater strength
  • navigate this journey with intention and confidence.

 

THIS is a matter of choice. We can never control what our partner will do, but we can choose how we respond and the degree to which we allow other people’s actions to impact us. This is not easy. I have lived the experience of being triggered again and again and even drafting the angry e-mail. There is something cathartic and perhaps a bit empowering about crafting that angry statement. The important thing, however, is maintaining to committed to not sending the e-mail or reacting from the triggered place because nothing is really served by it. This is what makes it “conscious.”

 

Support for the Conscious Uncoupler Who Has to ‘Go it Alone’

 

Uncoupling is difficult, consciously uncoupling challenges us in so many ways. For this reason, I have just released the Divorce Companion, a step-by-step guide for anyone who is committed to choosing an informed and empowered path for making this life transition.  This is the most comprehensive program available to support individuals and couples in getting on the right path. You can learn more at www.DivorceCompanion.com or by visiting my website at divorceessentials.net.

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Adina Laver is the author of the Divorce Companion™ and founder of Divorce Essentials™, a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

 

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Let’s Get Real Mini Session, or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

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5 Reasons to Let Your Kids See You Cry

Our first inclination as parents is to shield our kids from difficult emotions, but there are important reasons to let your kids see you cry.

9017405_mThe other night my kids heard me crying, and when they knocked on the door of my room, they could see the redness in my eyes. Like most parents, my first inclination was to try and “buck up” and look ok for my kids.  I had to run out for something prior to what was supposed to be a festive night together of traveling to South Philadelphia to see the Christmas Lights. I left, praying that I would be able to pull myself together while I was out and then we would be on our way. “Don’t let your kids see you cry,” I told myself. When I returned, my kids were waiting for me. “What was going on?” They demanded to know.

As a parent and a Divorce & Relationship Coach, I know all too well the inclination to shield the children from the hard stuff. We don’t want to burden, worry, or scare them and we hate to have them see us looking fragile and vulnerable. However, while not everything is appropriate to share with our kids (despite my kids’ assumed right to know everything!), there are some important benefits to letting your kids see you cry and sharing your vulnerability in appropriate ways.

Five Reasons to let your kids see you cry

  • When our kids see us sad, frustrated or angry, they often assume that it is about them. Why? Because as humans we are self-centric beings and we usually assume things are about us – no matter who we are. In the absence of honesty, kids are likely to make up a story that is generally much more damaging to them than an appropriate version of the truth.
  • When we share our vulnerability, we give permission to our kids to talk about theirs. Just like we try and look tough and together, so do our kids. My clients who are divorcing know that it is important for their kids to share how they are feeling, but if we never do, how will they know it is ok? If your kids are “holding back,” ask yourself (honestly) what you are doing? Our kids tend to be a great reflection of ourselves.
  • When we allow ourselves to experience and share our feelings and vulnerabilities in appropriate ways, we teach our kids how to do it. I know it seems bizarre, but where are any of us supposed to learn how to share our vulnerability. If our parents or other adults did not share theirs, where would we learn how to do it? This is not something we are “born” with. I was 44 before I even began learning how. Fortunately, my kids are starting to learn much earlier.
  • Sharing our vulnerability with your kids makes the relationship closer and more real. It is amazing how guarded we truly are with most of the relationships in our lives (even some of our most “intimate” ones.). We tell or show people what we want them to see and hear and we don’t demand what’s real – perhaps for fear that someone might demand it from us. Showing up “real” with our kids can stimulate a relationship that is closer and much more honest.
  • Kids show up as their best selves when they feel needed. As an educator, I know that most kids show up as their best selves when they feel needed and valued. As a teacher, I often had the experience that “telling the kids to be quiet” was completely ineffective and could often escalate into consequences for failure to comply. However, sharing with them that I was having a hard day and letting them know how they could best support me, always generated a more thoughtful and mature response. Our kids want to be there for us. Letting them in does not make us weak; it teaches kids how they can show up for someone they care about.

So next time you are having a tough time, consider how you can engage and be real with your kids in appropriate ways. Let them see you cry. Teaching them how to be vulnerable and how to respond to vulnerability is an incredibly important life skill. They will learn whatever you teach them, so be mindful of what you teach them.

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Divorce Essentials, founded by Divorce Coach Adina Laver, is a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Let’s Get Real Mini Session, or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

 

 

 

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