Tag Archives: philosophy of love

Love on Valentine's Day

How to GUARANTEE Love on Valentine’s Day

Love on Valentine's DayValentine’s Day is tomorrow and even though I am truly not one to be swept up in the frenzy of a Hallmark enhanced holiday, there is simply no denying that all of us experience at least some pang of anticipation around this day.

 

  • Will someone bring me flowers or chocolates?
  • Better yet, will I have the story to tell about receiving the most creative lover’s gift?
  • What will I be doing when ‘everyone else‘ is experiencing the most romantic night of the year?

 

Really?

 

With these as our mental expectations, it is no wonder why there is a statistically significant spike in calls to divorce attorneys on February 15th!

 

But do you notice a pattern in all the stories the mind tells about this holiday? Look carefully….

 

In each of these cases, we are waiting on the receiving end to be validated by someone else that we are loved in order to FEEL love.

 

We are basically telling ourselves that the only real measure of how lovable we are is what someone else does for us on that day. And if we are considering, in the midst of or post divorce, what do we do with that? And even if we are married, if we live in the ‘real’ word, how likely is this day ever to meet our expectations? Are we just setting our partners up for failure and ourselves up for disappointment?

 

Well, when you put it that way, Adina…

 

Two days ago I hosted my monthly support call on Preparing for Divorce with guest Anna Balfour who is a licensed psychologist in Wayne, PA. (It was an amazing call and if you want a copy of the recording, just e-mail me with “call recording” in the subject line.)

 

In any case, one of the things we talked about on the call is how to GURANTEE love on Valentine’s Day, and here are our top two suggestions:

 

Love Yourself! Yes…The most important source of love in your life is actually your love for yourself. If we cultivate it, it is always there for us. Do something wonderful for yourself, plan a special time during the day just for you, and …really do this… make yourself a card where you remind yourself of 25 things you love about you. Twenty five is a big number and I GUARANTEE that you will feel something extraordinary inside when you take the time to list 25 things you love about yourself. I beg you to try it.

 

Give as much love as you can. Yes, GIVE love to others. There is no better way to experience an abudance of love than to pour out love for others. This can be volunteering somewhere and helping others you do not know feel cared for. This can be choosing 1-3 people in your life that you adore and planning to do something special for them. This can be spending your day engaging in random acts of kindness anywhere you go. Seriously, you will never experience as much joy and love on the receiving end as you will experience by being on the giving end, GUARANTEED!

 

So this Valentine’s Day, no matter who you are or what your relationship status is, be a source of love.

Love Yourself Dearly

Love Others Generously

____________________________________________________________

Adina Laver is the author of the Divorce Companion™ and founder of Divorce Essentials™, a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

 

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Ala Carte Session or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

 

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinmail
Show up for the Journey

How to Show Up for the Journey

One of the gravest deceptions of the mind is that there is a ‘there’ there in which the to do list is complete, there are no conflicts to be resolved, nothing to be repaired, and we have the solution to every challenging affecting our lives. In fact, we can work so hard toward this unattainable goal that we lose sight of the most profound reality of life… That meaning, love and happiness exist in choosing to be present to the journey, not in reaching the destination.

 

This week I am reminded that happiness is not a destination but a daily pursuit. It is our practices as well as our willingness to live consciously and be present to the unfolding of each day’s events with curiosity, openness and awe that enable us to live an extraordinary life.

 

So my offering to you this week is to choose one of the quotes below and allow it to inspire you to be become more conscious about and present to your life. Take the quote and post it someplace prominent, write about it in your journal, discuss it with a friend or family member, and hold it close to your heart when you wake up on the morning and go to sleep at night… and then see what happens.

 

If you are inspired, please share your reflections below or send me an e-mail.

 

Show up for the JourneyQuotes on ‘Showing Up For the Journey’

 

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

~Ernest Hemmingway

 

 

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

~Charles Swindoll

 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

~Robert Frost

 

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.

~Amelia Earhart

 

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.

~Alice Walker

 

The mind is everything. What you think you become.

~Buddha

 

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.

~Stephen Covey

 

You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~Christopher Columbus

 

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

~Anais Nin

 

Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

~George Addair

 

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

~Helen Keller

 

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

~Lao Tzu

 

Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

~Joshua J. Marine

 

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

~Norman Vincent Peale

________________________________

Adina Laver is the author of the Divorce Companion™ and founder of Divorce Essentials™, a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

 

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Ala Carte Session or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinmail

Defining Family Post Divorce

It wasn’t my intention to write about kids again this week. In fact, I was about to begin writing Familymy blog (had it all planned out) when I received something my daughter had written for an assignment in school and I had to share.

 

It is about blended families.

It is about a teenager’s perception of family post-divorce.

It is about a young person growing up in a gay community.

It is about love.

 

Enjoy, and as always, keep the comments coming. I LOVE it when you post comments below.

 

Please also consider passing this on to someone you know who could use a smile today, someone who may be struggling with a sense of loss around divorce, or friends in the gay community with kids – anyone who would enjoy sharing in the beauty of a young person’s heart-felt wisdom.

__________________________________

Author: Talya Laver, 15 (my daughter)

 

Today was a great day, in a very sad way. It’s funny how funerals bring people together in ways that other run of the mill days can’t. They allow you to form bonds with people in your “family” that you didn’t have before. Granted, if your vision of family is solely the people you are related to by blood, you are missing out. And this is coming from someone who really knows.

 

For simplicity’s sake, I attended my aunt’s partner’s funeral. But if you want the full explanation, I attended my mom’s partner’s ex-partner’s partner’s funeral. I know you are probably thinking, what the heck? First off, who knows that many gay people? And second, that’s not really your family.

 

Firstly, I know that many gay people ever since my mom “came out” two years ago and my parents split. Our gatherings now consist of mainly gay people… lesbians, to be specific. And secondly, you would be wrong to say these people are not really my family. They are as much my family as my blood relatives because they are the people I love. They are the people we now see at holidays. They are the people who are there to celebrate the good times. And in hard times, they are the people who grieve together and serve as sources of comfort.

 

So, deciding that we were way over the whole prayer thing for the day and not wanting to run the risk of crying again, the three other girls my age and I went to sit in a corner near my “step”- brother’s lonely friend while the adults held a Shiva (Jewish mourning) service. The four of us sat there and made each other laugh and tried to shush each other when we thought we were getting too loud… just like cousins. A while into it another family friend came over. She has been friends with my “step’-brother since they were little. So she asked us how we were all related.

 

We sat there for a moment, looked at each other, and just laughed knowing that even if we figured it out and were able to articulate it, there was no way she was going to be able to follow. But I decided to take the challenge full on.

 

“The dumbed down version,” I told her “is that Naomi is my sister, and Lea and Kyra are my cousins. If you want the actual version, it goes something like this…. My mom’s partner’s cousin is one of Lea’s moms, but not her birth mom. My mom’s partner’s ex-partner is Kyra’s Godmother and has been best friends with one of her moms since forever. Kyra and Lea grew up together (with a combined total of four moms) and lived near each other at one point, and I use to go to school with Kyra. Got it?”

 

“Nope. But basically you are all cousins,” she concluded after a moment’s pause.

 

And all four of us responded, “Yup.”

 

All of this is to say that in my opinion – your family is the people you love and those who love you – not only those with whom you share your ancestry.

___________________________________

Adina Laver is the author of the Divorce Companion™ and founder of Divorce Essentials™, a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

 

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Let’s Get Real Mini Session, or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinmail

Vow to Shed the Shackles of the Past

For this final day of February, a month that I have dedicated to articles about self-love, I have a beautiful gift to share with you. A fellow traveler on this journey to live an authentic and fulfilled life shared a writing with me. It articulates her commitment to release herself from the shackles of a past that have been keeping her from fully honoring herself and living her authentic life. I was so moved and inspired by what she wrote that I asked her permission to share it with you.

Please join me in honoring Christine commitment to pursue authenticity and wholeness both by reading her writing and by taking some time to draft one of your own. What are you ready to let go of so you can live with a sense of wholeness?

As always, I invite you to e-mail me or post your response on my blog.

Adina

 

I Vow…

Today, in the predawn hours of my 48th year, I vow that I shall no longer fear the sound of my own voice; the depth, texture and contours of my own boundaries; the boundless capacity of my own love…

 

I vow that I shall never again, not for one moment, entertain the notion that I am not good enough, not worthy, not wise or bright enough…that I am not loved enough to have the most extraordinary things happen to me…

 

I vow to shed, once and for all, any and all patterns, beliefs–and any outdated, constraining values that keep me living small…

 

I vow to never again fear the cunning, manipulative ways of those living at the lowest vibratory, survivalist levels–for my strength, my hope and my beautiful future is rooted in my high vibratory state…

 

I vow to never again say yes when I mean no; maybe when I mean never, fine when I mean–absolutely not.

 

The first steps I take today, upon bringing my feet to the floor shall be with the strength & firmness of a growing resolve now turned conviction–a conviction that the path I walk is now mine…I own every footstep, every decision to turn left when most would urge right; I own every detour, every pause for rest, every decision that would have me forge forward when the path feels black with dark, hazy with fog, rocky with debris.

 

I was born into this world 48 years ago, naked body, naked Soul…a wise, fully evolved mind that blazed with the knowingness of why it is I came here and what I needed to do…I arrived with “Anahata”–the purest of un-struck hearts–a vast, open heart…eager and ready to give and receive love in ways that would free others to love more deeply and more completely…

 

Somehow, the years ahead would set me into a long period of forgetting…

 

This morning, in the predawn hours of my 48th birthday, I choose to be open to a full remembrance of who I am…

_______________

Divorce Essentials, founded by Divorce Coach Adina Laver, is a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

 

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Let’s Get Real Mini Session, or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinmail

The Best Valentine’s Day Gift You Can Give (or Receive)

Rose

Single or not, one of the best Valentine’s Day gifts you will ever give – or receive – is the gift of self-love. On this day dedicated to love, take some time to nurture your love of self because without it, you can never fully love another. Here is my love letter to myself for Valentine’s Day. Give yourself the best Valentine’s Day gift you will ever give or receive and write yourself a letter too. If you want to share it, post it with mine on my blog.

 

Self-love is the source of all our other loves.

~Pierre Corneille

 

Dear Me –

 

Happy Valentine’s Day. It is funny how this day never actually meant a lot to me when I was married, but now, in post divorce life, I have found meaning in it that feels really good.

 

While dating or married, Valentine’s Day felt like something I was “supposed to do,” otherwise run the risk of looking like I wasn’t really in love or loving. It truly felt contrived and like the Hallmark holiday – and neither my ex nor I really did celebrate much.

 

Now, as I have the opportunity to think about the holiday from a different vantage point, this day seems like a great opportunity to both explore a love that I didn’t attend to very much in earlier parts of my life as well as share love in a new way. In short, it is a day to experience mindful awareness about love – love of myself and love of others. It is a day to give myself one of the best Valentine’s Day gifts I can ever give – or receive.

 

Since loving myself was not something I was very good at for the first 43 years of my life, I appreciate taking this opportunity to explore some of the things I really do love about myself. Here are a few:

 

  • I love the fact that I am creative and can uncover interesting outlets for my creative energy. Whether I invest them in creating crazy themed birthday parties for my kids or in putting on an accent to entertain my kids one morning when everyone was overtired and could have easily melted down, I appreciate this quality.
  • I love the fact that I am able to forgive easily. Things do get me triggered (like just the other day!) and I have really difficult moments like everyone else, and I am truly grateful for the fact that my natural tendency is to be forgiving and to return to love.
  • I love the fact I am attuned to my body. When I care for it well and when I don’t care for it as well as I would like, I love the fact that my body is an accurate source of information about all kinds of things and that I am able to receive the messages it shares with me.
  • I love the fact that despite my fears and the many challenges I have encountered along the way, that I have been able to make choices in recent times that feel authentic to me. I am finding my voice and learning to use it effectively.
  • I love that when I get afraid, feel weary and exhausted, and get thrown off track that I can somehow recall the fact that things will look brighter in the morning. I am learning to let go when things get very rough (rather than trying to push through them), and wait for clarity to return after a night’s sleep.

 

Loving myself and sharing my love with others… This is also a time when I am thinking a lot about the people who love and support me:

 

  • My daughters for the joy and love they bring into my life.
  • My parents who found a way to extend the reaches of their love beyond what they may have even believed possible.
  • My current partner who supports me without question and takes time to appreciate me every day for who I am.
  • The guides who I have encountered along my journey in recent years who have shared their wisdom and walked beside me.
  • My colleagues who have selflessly offered support for the development of new projects.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day. May this day be filled with moments of great blessing that remind you today and always that you are loved and that the love you share makes the world a brighter place.

 

Love, Adina

 

So write yourself a letter and give yourself the best Valentine’s Day Gift You will ever give – or receive!

_________________________________________

Divorce Essentials, founded by Divorce Coach Adina Laver, is a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Let’s Get Real Mini Session, or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinmail

10 Essential Happiness Quotes to Live By

Before we get to the happiness quotes, one must remember why we tend to be unhappy in 14897023_mstop this self-sabotage before it even starts!). Ingrained in our brains is a never-ending dialogue of

Should’s

Have to’s

Supposed to’s

Obligated to’s

With this on-going dialogue, is it a wonder why many of us are so unhappy?

Which of us ever achieved happiness and self-fulfillment by living a life measured by outside expectations?

The authentic and happy life is reserved for those who are willing to transcend the confines of society’s expectations and boldly define their own new measures.

If it were about being happy, what would you do, today, right now, to make that change? Choose to put that change in motion! Tuck these happiness quotes in places where they will be daily reminders to keep you moving in that happier, more fulfilled direction.

10 Happiness Quotes to Live By:

The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.

A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you can’t get very far until you change it.

It’s important to make someone happy, and it’s important to start with yourself.

Sometimes life gives you two options: losing yourself or losing someone else.  Regardless of the situation, don’t lose yourself.

Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present.  Only you give it power.

Stop looking at what you have lost, so you can see what you have.

One of the greatest freedoms is truly not caring what everyone else thinks of you.

Don’t be afraid of change.  Oftentimes you will lose something good, and then gain something even better.

The time spent on hating is the time lost for living a peaceful, happy life.  It is a habit that controls what you see, what you say, what you do, and ultimately what you become.

The difference between who you are and who you want to be, is what you do.

… Now go do it!

And don’t forget to post these 10 great happiness quotes!

_________________

Divorce Essentials, founded by Divorce Coach Adina Laver, is a specialized divorce coaching and support service for those who are considering, in the midst of, or post-divorce and are committed to a healthy path for reclaiming their lives.

If you are contemplating a divorce but are stuck or if you are in the throes of making key decisions for your future but need guidance, reach out to Adina. Whether you coach together for one Let’s Get Real Mini Session, or coach for a full Personal Empowerment Breakthrough, Adina is ready to help you navigate through uncertainty so you can create a happier and healthier future!

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinmail